Mama diary

9/23/2019 Blog

I had an unnatural and unhealthy fear of being induced. I prayed that baby would come early, but my prayer wasn't answered the way I wanted...

She came on the appointed day and it was just as well, as it allowed me to make arrangements for my other two children, so that my husband could be with me.

I was induced at 12pm and the contractions started almost immediately, but they were so mild I started a praise party all too soon.

By eight o'clock I was so bored, I started willing the baby to come.
Then the monitor started bleeping. I was dehydrated which made baby uncomfortable. I had to down a litre of water and then a line was inserted badly right in the bend of my arm.

By ten the lights were out and although my contractions were stronger they were irregular. I started to pray for this thing to hurry up I could only afford to be in hospital one night. I must have fallen asleep and was woken by an unbearable contraction. I still managed to go to toilet and put on my night dress before pulling the cord.

My fear had now been realised. In the short walk from the ward where I had been induced to the labour suit, I had become delirious and distressed. I remember thinking about the woman who gave birth in a tree during a flood. I thanked God for hospitals before the next contraction.

I had had two previous births with just gas and air, but never felt pain this intense. I couldn't comprehend what the midwife was saying or what was happening. On entering the labour suit I fell to the ground. I heard myself saying "Sorry I just wet myself" My waters had broken!

After the next contraction I was helped on to the bed. I then had to be shown how to use the gas and air. I had forgotten about the badly inserted line as I was flaying, waving my arms about as if there wasn't a needle there at all. After another contraction I was told to turn over, as I was on all fours.

"I can see the head...On the next contraction push." Another contraction and push, the head was out. It took all of my concentration to pant and not push while the midwives checked everything was okay and I could push again. Two more pushes and baby was out, but I wasn't done yet I still had to push out the after birth.

I had ruptured so, anaesthetic was administered, but I could feel the sewing, then I heard one midwife squeal. She had burst a blood vessel and the blood was spraying in her face. Bordering hysteria in her voice "I can't stop it!" she shouted to another midwife who assisted her. More anaesthetic was administered, but I could still feel everything. The final insult was a suppository.

The only thing keeping me going was hearing my husband saying, "You are so beautiful " while holding our baby. He said a few other things as well whilst they were sewing me up in a tone I can only describe as, traumatised with a touch of disgust, topped with horror. I will keep those things to myself.

Finally, I could hold my baby. After a wash of sorts I went up to the labour ward and all the drugs took effect. The pain dulled and I fell asleep - thankfully my baby did too. If she hadn't I don't think I would've been able to get up.

The first feed was painful, pain from my belly retracting, pain from my breasts as she wasn't latched on properly, pain in the nether regions as the aneasthetic wore off, but I also feel pure joy, and full up with love for my child.

Give thanks in all circumstances...(1 Thessalonians 5:18), I thanked Him that she is perfectly formed in His image and we are both alive, I thanked him that I have access to medicine, and doctors, I thanked him that I had family who were on their way bringing supplies, I thanked Him that I was able to produce milk, I thanked him for my other children, I just thanked Him...